Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The eighth word

The basket of words continues.
I have shared and explored with you the words, courage, willingness, trust, tenderness, power, balance and change.
Now the eighth word of the series is Rest.
Dictionary.com says:
The refreshing quiet or repose (be peacefully calm) of sleep.
as in: a good nights rest.
Refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion.
Relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles,
or disturbs.
A period of solitude, repose, tranquility:
as in: to go away for a rest.
Mental or spiritual calm; to be quiet or still.
Are you getting the idea yet?
After so much hard emotional work one needs to stop and take an emotional break and that will include finding rest.
Rest is so important and should be a gift to oneself.
To gain strength and gain hope before starting the next phase.
A big step for me in recovery was learning to not feel guilty
when I rested.
Within my journey process there were many physically sick days.
My body began to show the amount of emotion it took for me to stuff and store so 'no one would see or know'.
I was extremely tired but many of my close friends had no idea.
It was deeply emotional and internally heavy work.
When doing this kind of healing rest had to be a part of the 'process'.
My therapy day would start with a group then I would see my counselor then sometimes I would see a chiropractor.
Doing all this required me to take a day off of work.
In all honesty there were days when I would come home and go to my room to lay down.
If at all possible I would do what I could to shut down the memories or the affects of the therapy session.
Through the process of healing I learned.
It is not being irresponsible to allow some time for rest.
One cannot go further and keep reaching inward if the 'spirit' of the person is fatigued.
I learned that to rest was being kind to myself.
I learned that my family benefited from me being more rested.
We come to the basket of words and we search and we learn and we slowly realize that any emotional process is hard work.
Maya Angelou once said: 
I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is to be on my own side, be an advocate for myself and others like me. At 50, I began to know who I was. It was like waking up to myself. 
Yes.
It is like waking up to yourself and finding a new you.
A healed you.
A stronger and more empowered you.
Allowing yourself the gift of rest also allows yourself the power to say the word NO.
Perhaps for the first time the one in recovery will realize it is healthy and healing
to say "I am tired today and I need to rest."  

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The seventh word

Out of the basket of words I have shared about courage, willingness, trust, tenderness, power and then balance.
The seventh word to learn about is going to be change.
 
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I have tried to set the words out in a sequence of how it was for me as I was going through this 'deep' internal process of healing.
When someone goes into a therapy season many things begin to change for them.
What was once familiar and comfortable now begins to feel 'abnormal' and sometimes disturbing.
Relationships change on many levels.
The person going through recovery changes from the inside out.
It won't feel good or right to stay in the same routine and old behaviors because healing brings new truths.
I always learned through this process, 'awareness brings choice.'
Dictionary.com says : It is to become different, altered, transformed, in opinion, in thought or course or direction.
as in: changing ones mind.
I remember there was a point in time when someone would say something to me and in the old 'life' I would just ignore it, or internalize it or believe it to be true.
My 'new' life of awareness brought me to the point of thinking...
then saying,
"this is not about me, this issue is not mine."
Then I began to move from the guilt and obligation that was taught and felt to a more healthy place inside.
Change brings courage forward and gives it voice. 
It is realizing to enable the 'toxic behavior' is not good for me now.
It is realizing these issues are about them and not me.
It is realizing family 'dysfunction' is the core 'reason' we sit in a therapy room.
Dysfunction means: abnormal or impaired, bad or difficult.
It is learning to say as we move through the process.
"that was then, this is now. Today is a new day. I will begin again."
I began to change internally when my old 'style of coping' didn't work any more and it didn't feel 'real' to me.
As healing becomes normal to us we move further away from the old 'way's of coping or believing.
Truth changes the reality in which we begin to live.
As we grow and move forward change will create many conflicts because we are not doing it 'the way it always has been done.'
Those around us see and sometimes test our new boundaries.
It takes strength and courage to stand up for what is right and healthy.
This basket of words is layered and powerful.
Each one of these words takes a great amount of growth and choice.
The one in recovery has to realize and soon begins to realize some friends, some family, will not stand by and watch as you change before them.
They will feel uncomfortable with the 'boundaries given them' and they will not encourage you in the new process.
Change creates boundaries and also brings to us the ability to say with courage,
"I am not going to listen to that anymore or I will not allow 'you' to hurt me again."
Change forces a line to be drawn.
When I began to get healthy, there was a point in time when I told my husband,
"I am moving forward, with you or without." I will not ever go back to where I was as a wounded person.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is realizing 'you' are worth fighting for.


Sunday, April 6, 2014

Believe

Teach me good discernment and knowledge, 
for I believe in your commandments.
Psalm 119:66
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday community.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The sixth word

Words.
We started off with the word courage.
Then the next word was willingness.
Then after that the word was trust.
Then it was tenderness and then it was power.
The sixth word in the continuing series from the basket of words is going to be balance.
My reason for this is very simple.
When someone enters into a therapy setting they are often imbalanced in their thinking.
Recovery brings to us an 'all or nothing' thought process.
All black and all white with no middle grey area.
Instead of saying, "growing up we had a mixture of both good and bad" the person in recovery usually remembers only the bad.
There were no good times... ever.
Now sometimes that can be incredibly true but also sometimes there needs to be balance in remembering.
Dictionary.com tells us that balance is this:
mental steadiness or emotional stability; 
habit of calm behavior; poise and composure.
Learning the process of balance when one is doing any kind of recovery work is very important.
If someone wakes up and has a good day, an almost fun day.
It is perfectly normal to do that and one should not feel guilty because of those feelings.
Balance means, I understand what was over here, in this 'pile of journal writings'...
and I also understand 'what is in this one.'
It takes balance to be healthy.
To remain focused on the issues but also to rest when it's needed and also work hard when necessary.
As a young mom like I was when I began this process it was impossible to focus only on the recovery issues.
There were meals to prepare and life went on whether I felt good or whether I was deep in a memory or not.
It took balance to do the recovery work in the office with my counselor then go home and put that 'away' till the next week when we could talk again.
In the middle of those days I would write and journal or draw pictures to keep the words and thoughts fresh.
Balance... was critical in the process of healing.
Without balance it is impossible to stay stable and steady when working on recovery issues.
The sixth word in this series of words is balance.
A wise woman recognizes when her life is out of balance and summons the courage to act to correct it, she knows the meaning of true generosity, happiness is the reward for a life lived in harmony, with a courage and with grace. Suze Orman

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Your father in heaven

"Look at it this way.
If someone has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders off, doesn't he leave the ninety-nine to go after the one?
And if he finds it, doesn't he make far more over it than the ninety-nine who stay put?
Your father in heaven feels the same way.
He doesn't want to lose even one of these simple believers."
Matthew 18:11-13
{sheep in pasture; Yamhill county Oregon}
Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday community.
Jumping Tandem

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The fifth word

I was struggling this week in prayer asking what should be the next word in this series of words.
The first word was courage.
The second word was willingness
The third word was trust
The fourth word was tenderness
It came to me that the fifth word would be power.
Dictionary.com says: it is incapacity, weakness and characteristic of those having authority or influence.
It could be to inspire; spur or sustain as in
a strong faith in a divine goodness powers his life.
But in this instance and for this writing we are not going towards the positive aspects of the word we are exploring the negative.
The power to bring another person down emotionally is very real.
In the recovery process we learn the power and control we lived under was extremely harmful.
When someone has 'power' to make you feel something.
They are like the description in the dictionary:
The possession of control or command over others.
controlling ones mind.
Anyone who have ever been in toxic relationships or work places understand this concept.
When I entered into the therapy process I learned that power and control is reason enough to give up or give in and to resign oneself into the 'truth of what is being told.'
For example: the child who is told they will never amount to anything
usually doesn't. They begin to believe 'the untruth' as reality.
Words have power within them.
They can have the ability to build up a spirit or break it down.
If someone is raised with very negative words eventually that is all they will begin to believe.
In therapy I learned that I was smart, creative, funny and even liked.
Those were very new concepts and thoughts for me as no had ever said those words.
When someone with low self esteem and emotional emptiness tries to fill someone else up they will not be able to build out of what they don't understand or know.
In therapy I learned I had a hard time believing in compliments.
I doubted them and questioned whether they were talking about me
it was very difficult to take inside my spirit.
As a child there were no words of affirmation spoken to me.
At least none that I remember.
Most of the time I didn't believe I was capable of 'writing, or drawing or singing well' even though I did all three throughout my day.
Realizing now that it is impossible to fill someone when you are not filled yourself.
I place no blame; just say the truth for what it is.
My ability to believe in myself and my value was very low.
When I was asked to write down 'truths' about myself in a therapy group.
It was sad and very hard to do.
The power of the negative created a deep depression inside my spirit
and I stayed in that low opinion for years.
In therapy I learned my belief was untrue.
I learned to let go of 'the negative talk' and begin to believe
I was capable, smart and able to accomplish something if I really tried hard to use the gifts and abilities that were given to me.
When the heaviness of spirit begin to lift my eyes were opened and I began to see many things in a new way.
I also learned that the power that tore down could be replaced by the power to believe.
When my counselor would say to me, "I have enjoyed our visit today"
my first thought was to push it away.
"He really didn't mean that, he says that to every one."
See how I sabotaged my 'value'?
Recovery from years that were emotionally negative was incredibly hard and even very painful.
At times I still struggle but God is healing me and has healed me layer upon layer.
It has been a journey of truth and deep growth.
The fifth word in this series is power.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and a sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Give Thanks

Joining Deidra on jumping tandem and the Sunday community.